Thanks a Lot

I was honest with you, as honest as could be
But you didn't care, you just kicked me in the knee
I told you everything, the bad and the good
You told me nothing, though I wished you would

I told you I liked you, you said you were focused on her
But now that she's gone, can't I be your cure?
No, I guess not, it's too good to be true
It seems I'm not good enough for you

I cared about you so much, you didn't know
If something wasn't right, I would be there for you, even in the snow
But it didn't make a difference, not at all
You don't listen when I beg you to call

I need you much more than you'll probably ever know or understand
You have no idea how much I dream of holding your hand
But it will never happen, never
So much for a friendship that would last forever

Still Not Great

October, 2010.
Life still sucks. In fact, it gets worse by the day. Just when things are finally getting stable, I think everything is going to be ok, some big hurdle comes and tears it all apart. Whether it be heartbreak, loneliness, death, or illness, something ruins everything. Senior year is supposed to be the best year of your life. Mine is the worst. I've already lost two beloved people, and now I may lose another. I don't get life, I don't understand why so many bad things have to happen at once, and why things never get better. I know life isn't supposed to be fair, but there has to be some justice in it. There's only so many breaks my heart can take before it shatters. I'm reaching my breaking point, and I won't be able to take it much longer. I need help. And fast.

Just Three Words

Three words is all it would take
To change my life
To help me forget my mistakes

It doesn't matter where you'd say it
Or even how
Just as long as it's quick as a hit

I don't care who you are
All I want is to finally meet you
Walk on the cold hard tar

Take my hand
Hold it tight
Let the moment be grand

All I want is you
I've been waiting my whole life for this
I'll even let you cut the words down to two

Some variation of those three words is all I ask
It's not that hard, I promise
Not some sort of task

Come on out wherever you are hiding
I've been waiting all my life
I know you exist, you make up my heart's siding

The Word Girlfriend

So you're dating. Big deal. It means absolutely nothing in my book. You could be dating and she might not even love you at all. In fact, I don't think she does. You send her hearts all the time. You write about her. And what does she do? Nothing. Nada. Zippo. Zilch.

For some reason, I've lost the will to write in the past month. It's really weird. I can't write my usual poems or prose. Not a good sign, not good at all. I can't even write on here lol. My sentences are all short and simple. I guess even though I have a lot going on in my life, I don't have much to say. It's pretty weird. Maybe I write so much in English that I don't have the strength to write freely anymore. Whatever's going on, I don't like it. By not writing I'm keeping all my feelings bottled up inside and I know it's not a good thing. Hopefully I'll get a burst of creative energy. In the meantime, I guess my little notebook I keep in my backpack will continue to have empty pages, and the bad feelings will remain :/

~*Rebecca*~

Out Of My League...Only In My Dreams

He's beautiful. He's gorgeous. He's stunning. He's funny. He's smart. He's talented. He's popular. He's cool. He's mature. He's everything I ever wanted. Too bad the closest I get to being with him is in my dreams. He knows I exist...he knows how I feel. Too bad he's in love with someone else, someone he feels the same way about. She's perfect. A cheerleader. Me? Well, I'm just me. You're my dream guy, my celebrity crush. I was hoping maybe you wouldn't follow the stereotype and maybe go for someone different. But I guess not. Hope I'll see you soon, because whenever you're around my day just gets a whole lot better. When I see you it's like a spotlight is constantly on you. I can't stop looking at you and I just want to be near you. As Taylor Swift says, "I can't help it if you look like an angel...I can't help myself." Don't call me a stalker, because I'm not. I'm just admiring from afar, keeping my distance, since you can't be real. You're just a dream to me, an unattainable dream.

~*Rebecca*~

Still Waiting For You And Your White Horse To Come Around

Wow I haven't written on this in about a year lol. But I guess I'll write on here a little bit, mostly for myself. Well, I have something to write, so here it goes:

I'm sorry. I messed things up. Again. I'm a horrible person and I know you deserve better. You're such a great guy, you don't need someone like me to ruin your life. I'm sorry for harrassing you and bothering you and annoying you. I just REALLY wanted you. A lot. But I guess I really don't have a chance now. I always used to call you immature, but in reality, I'm the childish one. I'm sorry for putting you through so much. I guess the truth is, I've loved you all along. I was always scared to admit it, to use a word so powerful as that. But I've been in love with you since back in 6th grade, when we reconnected after all those years of not seeing each other. I just can't get over you, and believe me, I've tried. I'm so sorry, and I will do my best to just leave you alone and let you move on with your life.

~*Rebecca*~

Why is life so cruel?

Like seriously, why? What did I possibly do to deserve such misery? I don't get it. How can I guy like him go to homecoming with a girl like her? It makes no sense to me. And like why doesn't he want to get to know me? Ugh I'm really confused and hurt right now =(

~*Rebecca*~